Campaigner Challenge!

Here are the rules for Rach's first challenge

I started with "Shadows creep across the wall" instead of "crept," since I"m sticking to how I usually write, in first person present tense. And I end with "everything fades." Also, my entry is 200 words exactly, and I use the word "orange." Enjoy! This was so much fun to write!

Shadows creep across the wall, leaving no traces in their wake. I float over them, anxious. The weight of my body is supported by this thin bodysuit, but it doesn’t take the weight from my chest. Please let my hover equip stay activated.

I want to be like the shadows—come and go without a trace. With an unsteady breath I pull the mechanical orange from my pouch and gently set it on top of the porcelain fruit in the basket on the center table. I sigh and float to the side, eager to get out of here. Oh no. I scan the images from the orange-cam. The lens is pointing toward the banana beneath it, not to the jewel case on the wall. I groan and rub my fingers in a circular motion on the pad of my glove, rotating myself in midair so I’m directly over the fruit again. I nudge the orange, but the pressure is too much. The entire porcelain fruit display crashes to the floor.

The alarm screeches, and Copter shouts in my ear piece. “You’re blown! Get out of there!”

Too late, light blinds me. Their butterfly hooks pull me down, and everything fades.

48 comments

Morgan said...

How clever! Cort, you're one of the most diverse writers I've ever come across. I really enjoyed this... so great that in such a short excerpt, I felt like I was right there part of the story. Great start, middle, and end. You rock. ;D "Liked" !!!!!

cindythrasher said...

I marvel at how you talented people come up with such ideas! Very good!

digillette said...

This is one of the most unique takes I've read on the prompt!

Jess said...

Very cool! Writing in present tense really worked for this piece! Loved it! I like writing in present tense, too :)

I'm entry #19

Kerri Cuev said...

This was very interesting! It makes me want to read more. Well done.

Cynthia said...

This is such a fun piece!! Thanks for sharing. I also like the design of your blog. I am "following" you now and look forward to reading more from you.

Tara Tyler said...

great concept! something different!
hover suit spy! how will she make it out of this one?

David P. King said...

Oh! A little spy intrigue. I admit I'm starting to warm up to the genre.
Nice one! :)

Christy Farmer said...

This is very original and intriguing! Well done!
I'm # 61.

Leigh Covington said...

OH WOW! This is so cool Cortney! SO COOL! I absolutely love it. Would love to read a whole book with this! Bravo!

Kelley said...

Oh my gosh, love this! I love how the orange is a camera. And I totally want to know what happens next :)

Colleen Chen said...

This is GREAT! It packs a whole entire other world into so few words. Very intriguing and creative...I would love to read more.

Ann Cory said...

Original and unique - very nice :) I'm intrigued and wanting more!

Cortney Pearson said...

Eeee, one gigantic THANKS, everyone!!! :D

Ashley Nixon said...

Aw man! I really wanted her to get out of there!! Very cool idea!

JEFritz said...

Cool! I like the way you describe the technology and the spy-esque nature of everything. Nice job with the tension, too.

Brenna Braaten said...

Hey there! I'm finally making the rounds and getting to other campaigners' blogs.

Ooo. . . I love your scene! It is so descriptive and mysterious. (And, I kind of like how you made the text orange like the challenge! Nice touch!)

J.C. Martin said...

Ooh ... spies and gadgets and intrigue! I like! Now a follower! :)

Mark Koopmans said...

Ha! Don't mess with the buterfly hooks!!

(I do hope Copter is OK... as he's the MC in a future idea of mine I've been working on for years :)

PS... do you know you still have the Word Verification Codes :)

To remove them, visit this post :)http://j-a-bennett.blogspot.com/2012/02/how-to-turn-off-word-verfication-on.html

Della said...

Hi Tech stuffs.. Very creative! I totally loved it. I also want that mechanical orange for myself :D

Theresa said...

"I want to be like the shadows—come and go without a trace." I love this line. In 200 words you managed to pull me and I could visualize the whole scene. I want more :) Awesome job!

Jaime Morrow said...

Make it book length! I want to read more :-)

Rek said...

Wow, a spy or surveillance expert is the impression I got. And I loved the natural, visual feel of the writing...

Cortney Pearson said...

Ha ha, thanks Mark! Just shut it off!! :D

Cortney Pearson said...

Yay, thanks everyone!! :)

Rachel Morgan said...

Spies are cool! At least, this sounds like a spy story... I like the hover equipment :-)

Alyssa said...

Very cool! I like your take on the challenge! :)

I'm #37

Janice said...

I think you might be on to something with this :). I love it! I was literally holding my breath.

J. A. Bennett said...

That was so good! I want to know more!

Sarah Pearson said...

I love this, so original.

Nick Wilford said...

It kept me guessing as to what was going on - at first I thought he was in a spaceship with the floating! Very creative use of the orange prompt. I'd like to know more of this story.

JD said...

Mission Impossible part 5 :)
Excellent suspense

Jaye Viner said...

I would have enjoyed a picture to go with this story. I was thinking of something fancy like Faberge fruit all glimmering and opulent, though not porcelain? Lovely job!

Carol Kilgore said...

Cool! Good job.

kmckendry said...

Love to hear the back story on this one. Great entry!

Emily R. King said...

Intriguing entry! It was fun to read.

Jack said...

Entertaining and kept my interest throughout! GREAT JOB! :D

Caryn Caldwell said...

Oh, fun! I loved this! It really kept me reading. You managed to both set the scene and keep the tension up. Wonderful!

Chantele Sedgwick said...

Great job! More please? :)

Medeia Sharif said...

This was interesting and unique. It was a fun piece.

Traci Kenworth said...

Awesome.

Alyssa said...

Hey! I've given you an award over at my blog :) http://www.lifeisgood-forever21.blogspot.com/2012/02/awards.html

Peggy Eddleman said...

I love it! And I love how quickly you set the scene and let us know genre. Very nice!

inluvwithwords said...

Great story, Cortney! Love it.

Jocelyn Rish said...

That was fun! I like that even though this was suspenseful, the humorous moments peeked out.

I’ve been slow in making my rounds, but I’m saying howdy from the YA campaign group.

Tia Bach said...

Wow. Great job creating suspense with 200 words! I'm pathetically late getting around to all the entries and saying Hi to my group (in your #3).

Better late than never, right!?

C.M.Brown said...

Spies and gadgets! Interesting story!

Kathleen said...

Congrats on your win! Please email me ASAP so we can get your prizes to you!
kathleen dot doyle88 at yahoo dot com

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