Can You Hit a Perfect Pitch? Blogfest Contest!

This is sooo fun. A blogfest contest? The challenge is to set up a pitch for your book in two sentences (35 words or less) and then add the first 150 words (or to the end of that sentence) for awesome agent Ammi-Joan Paquette. The blogfest part is this weekend--officially starting Sunday, the 15th. Critique my pitch, my opening lines, whatever, and I'll bebop over to check yours out too! Then on the 17th we post our refined pitches/entries onto Brenda Drake's blog. Ammi will pick some winners and request pages! And go to Brenda's blog if you want to join in the fun, I'm sure it's not too late!

Here we go!!

Title: Where Are Boys From, Uranus?
Genre: YA Romantic Comedy
Word Count: 80,000

Pitch: A snarky, idealistic teenager blames her terrible dates on the blunderheaded boys, but after dating her used-to-be-fake boyfriend behind her friend's back, she realizes maybe boys aren't the bad guys after all. Maybe she is.

First 150:

Maybe he’s just really shy. That’s why he won’t look at me.
            “I like lots of different bands,” I say in response to my date’s fifty-billionth question. But I feel like I’m trying to get to know the steak knife instead of Tyson. All I’ve seen of him since we got to The Mango Grill is the top of his blonde, healthy hair.
            He nods. Is it to let me know he’s listening? Or to make me think he’s listening?
            Why did I say anything? If I keep quiet maybe he’ll actually look up at me. Maybe he spilled some sauce on his pants and the spot is shaped like a hula dancer.
            I tap my fingers on my thigh. The Mango Grill is one of the few good restaurants in Cypress, so I’ve been here a million times. Decals of surfers and beaches cover the walls, and they use real cloth napkins and everything.


Morgan said...

I LOVE THIS WHOLE BOOK!!!! I could read the whole thing right now ;) Love your writing, Cortney... YOU SERIOUSLY ROCK!

Laura said...

Oh... damn... the story stopped :) I was already hooked! Love both the pitch and the 150. The only word I tripped on was 'decals' and this is only 'cause it's the second time this week I have ht on it, and I have no clue what it means... and now I look like an idiot :)

Very best of luck to you in the contest

Cortney Pearson said...

Lol, thanks Morgan and Laura!!! So glad you liked it!!!

Unknown said...

The pitch is great. Straight to the point, no fluff, I know exactly what the book will be about and it's interesting. I wish I could pull that off with my current MS. LOL! Are you referring to Cypress, CA? I used to live there!

Tracey Joseph said...

I really enjoyed this, Cortney. I liked the pitch as well. Good luck in the contest.

Jolene Perry said...

Sounds like a blast!

Tara Tyler said...

those are awesome openings! sounds like a great story! and fun blogfest =) good luck!

Tonja Drecker said...

Great pitch and I enjoyed reading your excerpt. Sounds like a fun story.

Francesca Zappia said...

I really liked both the pitch and the excerpt! Your MC sounds awesome. Great job and good luck!

MBee said...

I love the voice, but the used-to-be-fake boyfriend thing in the pitch throws me a bit. Sooo she pretended he was a boyfriend at some point and then really ended up dating him, behind everyone's back? It's slightly confusing. You might consider rewording a little. Just my 2 cents. Love it otherwise!

Golden Eagle said...

I love the MC's voice--her attitude definitely comes across! :)

Cassie Mae said...

Need a Beta-reader? Cuz I wanna

Really great! Love the voice you have here and the date is totally something I can relate to. :)

Cortney Pearson said...

@Crystal, Thanks! And no, it's a made-up town based off where I grew up. Cypress, Idaho, ha ha. :)

@Tracey, @Jolene, @Tara, @T., @Francesca, @Golden Eagle, Thanks everyone!!!

@MBee, Sorry you were thrown a bit. He is actually a boy she pretended was her boyfriend at one point and he happens to be the same boy her friend likes, so she does date him behind her friend's with the short word count I'm alotted, that's about the easiest way to put it. :)

@Cassie, ha ha!! Thanks a bunch, I'd love for you to read it sometime!!

R.A.Desilets said...

"Real cloth napkins and everything" - hilarious.

The only thing about your pitch is that this part of the sentence "but after dating her used-to-be-fake boyfriend behind her friend's back..." seems to be a little too long. It might be "less is more" in this kind of pitch. See if you can condense that part at all to make it read a little bit more smoothly. (I read your comment and understood what you were going for, but I think it could still use some tightening).

Best of luck in the contest!

Anonymous said...

Really great voice! I got a bit confused, too, on the used to be fake boyfriend part. But other than that- the first 150 was terrific!
Good luck and great job!

- said...

I like it! I like it lots. =) The only thing that stood out to me as odd was her describing Tyson's hair as blond and 'healthy'. This is either really strange word choice, or a great introduction to MC's eccentricity. =) As for the pitch, maybe include MC's first name, so we know what to call her, and maybe take out 'snarky', because you can get her personality from the first 150 words, and snarky's been done so many times now, it might be an initial turn-off. So, like—"____, an idealistic teenager, blames…". Otherwise, great! Good luck! ^_^

Leigh Covington said...

Ooh-oooh-oooH! How did I miss this? Man, I am losing my blogging mind. I love it Cortney! LOVE IT! Very great job, and this is such a fun blogfest! I am wishing you the best of luck!

And - thanks for all the blog comments. Glad you like my new look. I had to track down Janice after she did your blog. Yours is SO CUTE! And that's awesome that you guys are in agriculture too! SO COOL!

Cortney Pearson said...

@R.A., thanks for the suggestion!

@Janet, sorry you were confused!

@Amanda, yes her describing his hair is definitely her eccentricity! :-p

@Leigh, Lol, thanks!!! :D

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