Hooked on Hooks!!

I'm participating in Kimberly Zook's Hooked on Hooks blogfest. You can link the opening lines of your current WIP onto Kimberly's blog and get comments on it. You also get to comment on at least 3 other people's hooks, to spread the love!

Interested? Found out more here at the link to Kimberly's blog.

The Hook From My YA Romantic Comedy:

Where Are Boys From, Uranus?

Maybe he's just really shy. That's why he won't look at me.
"I like lots of different bands," I say in response to my date's fifty-billionth question. But I feel like I'm trying to get to know the steak knife instead of Tyson. All I've seen of him since we got to the Mango Grill is the top of his blonde, healthy head o' hair.
He nods. Is it to let me know he's listening? Or to make me think he's listening.
Why did I say anything? If I keep quiet maybe he'll actually look up at me. Maybe he spilled some sauce on his pants and the spot is shaped like a hula dancer.





Lol found the picture online. Anyway, there it is, my hook. Let me know what you think!

11 comments

marlenedotterer said...

Cute. I like the last bit, "shaped like a hula dancer." That made me laugh, which is a good thing, because you've placed us in an awkward teenage moment. Those still make me cringe, 40 years later. I suspect it will make a teenager laugh, too. I'd keep reading.

Jennie said...

I love this, and love the voice. Definitely feels YA appropriate! Good job!

Angela Brown said...

Oh my...this scene screams "awkward". This works for YA and even for those of us out in the single world taking a stab at changing that status. I agree with marlenedotterer, very YA voiced and nice writing.

Lorelei said...

Very YA, and makes you wonder what she is going to do about this awkward situation.

Susanna Leonard Hill said...

I LOVE the title! And the voice is great - very believably YA, wonderfully teenage awkward. Great job!

K said...

I think this voice will definitely resonate with young adults! Awkward, confused, self-doubt... you've got key elements of how teens feel! I like how the first and last sentence tie together with the narrator trying to figure out why the boy won't look at her. Great job!

andrea said...

For me, it sounded like an adult romcom. I think the situation was very general. I didn't know who these people were, why the went on a date and because nothing has happened, it didn't make me want to get to know them.
This is just my personal opinion, and I might be totally off the mark here, but I'm sorry, it didn't work for me.

Gail Shepherd said...

Good! There's a nice tension in that he's shooting her a billion questions but that he won't look at her. Definitely raised a question for me. blond hair, by the way, takes no e.

carrieannebrownian said...

This sounds like such a believably teenage voice, and like all the awkward teen/first dates I've heard about. (I'm lucky enough to be marrying the only guy I've ever dated, so I can only know about such awkward dates from second-hand knowledge!) It sounds like a cute, fun book.

Cortney said...

Sorry, I've been at an SCBWI retreat, but I just want to say a quick thank you, to all! I'm so excited to hear your comments, and Andrea, sorry it didn't work for you! Thanks again, guys, it's always fun to hear that others are interested and like your work as much as you do! :D

ElaineCharton said...

Perfect awkward teenage moment but ended on a giggle. I love it.

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